I've started and stopped this post about ten times now and keep getting interrupted. Insulin shots, blood pressure checks, Dr.'s rounds, make for a continuous flow of people in and out of my room. That's how life goes in the hospital I guess.

I am still hanging out here at the heart hospital. I am feeling tons better, but am not yet ready to go home. The levels of blood thinning medication that I am taking have to reach therapeutic levels in my blood before I can leave. I'm still holding out hope for being discharged tomorrow but the pharmacist who came in to talk to me earlier said "if you get to go home tomorrow." I haven't seen the Dr. today yet, so I really don't know what to expect. I think he tends to make his rounds later in the evening, so it may be a while before I see him.

Dr. C gave me a clot busting drug yesterday to help break up the clots. There is a danger of bleeding with the drug, so they transferred me to the ICU yesterday morning. If I were to get injured right now, it would be very dangerous, so they are keeping me pretty still. I had to be in bed except to go to the restroom for 24 hours. That was pretty much torture for me, especially after being allowed to roam around my room freely Monday and Tuesday. So going back to having to call for help for every little thing was disappointing.
I was finally able to get up this morning around 10 and take a shower. I had to have an escort, though, so I was so happy that Daniel made it back from breakfast in time. I don't know that I could have done it with the nurse assisting me. Since I've been out of the shower, they have allowed me to sit up in the chair, which is a wonderful change. It's the little things, right?

I think the hardest part of this whole thing has been that I don't feel sick. Even on Saturday when I first went in to the ER, I didn't feel bad when I was being still. It was only when I was up and moving that I was having trouble breathing. So, sitting around in the hospital bed feels kind of silly. I absolutely hate having the poor nurses and Daniel waiting on me hand and foot for every little thing-move my bad up or down, bring me water, cover me, uncover me, etc-that I really should be doing for myself. The nurse I have today is pregnant. Her due date was yesterday. I keep thinking that I should have her get into the bed and let me take care of her instead, the poor thing.

I really felt bad Sunday and Monday when our family and friends were driving all the way here to see me and were so worried. I feel like they disrupted their lives just to come here and do nothing. I really appreciate them doing that for me, but I just feel bad that they had to take time out of their holiday weekend. If I had been in surgery or really bad shape, maybe I would feel differently. But when they got here, I was stable, talking and laughing with them.

I really do feel great right now. I'm breathing great-even when I get up and down-my blood pressures are staying in the 120's-130's, my blood sugars are coming in under 200, and I am more rested than I have been in a long time. That's why it has been so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I am, in fact, very sick. It is a very realistic possibility that had I not gone to the ER this weekend (especially on Sunday) that I could have been gone today. A pulmonary embolism, the technical name for what I have, can cause death when not treated promptly. Wow! I can't even imagine that.

So I guess I will stay put and follow the doctor's orders for now, no matter how I may feel. I'm pretty sure my family would like for me to stick around for a little while longer at least.