Mommy guilt

I love to read inspirational stories. Stories about people who have overcome obstacles or who make mistakes and recover from them. I like stories where people find themselves in unexpected situations that turn out to be blessings-in-disguise. I see a lot of these going around facebook and I sometimes get them in my e-mail  They encourage and inspire me. I especially love stories that are written from a mom's perspective to other mom's to lift them up. A favorite that I have seen lately and even shared the link on my facebook page is this one from Short Stop. Check it out, it's a good read.

But, as much as I like those, there are some others that make me cringe. They're written with the intent of being encouraging, of reminding moms about the important things in life. They talk about stopping to smell the roses, about enjoying your children while they're young, about valuing people over things. All good things that we DO need to be reminded of from time to time. But beneath the pretty words and the sweet pictures they paint, they all say the same thing to me-"You're not doing it right." If I don't immediately drop everything to look at the watercolor rainbow my child painted, I've wasted a precious moment that I can never get back. If I don't allow my child as much time as she needs to pick an outfit for church even if it causes us to be late, I've rushed her and taken away her joy.If I put my child to bed and without reading the 10th "just one more story", I'm gong to regret it because someday they won't want me to read them bedtime stories anymore...

I read through these stories and poems looking for encouragement, but all I feel by the end is guilt. I remember all the things I didn't do right and I feel guilty because I can't change them. I don't get a do-over. I've messed up my kids and there's nothing I can do about it. I can try to do better tomorrow, but I'll probably just mess it up again.

 Instead of feeling inspired and uplifted, I feel used up and worn out. Am I the only one?

Some of my friends have lovingly teased me about being "super mom" or the "model parent". Believe me, I am FAR from being either of those. I mess up. I yell (*gasp*). I'm impatient, I don't always want to have the kids with me 24/7. I don't always listen to their stories or love when they bring me a handful of dandelions to put in a plastic cup on the windowsill. I'M NOT SUPERMOM.

But there's good news for me (and for you). God didn't call me to be supermom. He knew that I would have shortcomings and failures. He knew I would mess it up. He knew that I would never be able to do it right. But, it's okay.I don't have to do it all right because where my weaknesses lie, God's power takes over.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, " ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Bible Gateway 

What a relief! I don't have to strive to be the perfect mother with the perfect children anymore. I don't have to pretend to be strong and to have it all together when I don't. All I have to do is the best I can and let God take care of the rest. 

So, I'm off to turn in my Supermom cape. I don't need it anymore. Who's coming with me?

 

Good soil

<sup>I have been so blessed to get to be a part of an awesome ladies' Bible study group for the past several months. I love it! We meet at the coffee shop on Saturday mornings and spend a couple of hours chatting, encouraging, offering advice, and studying together. I love hearing all the different perspectives and learning from the other ladies. I have made some great friends through our time together on Saturdays.
Our last study was on the book of Luke. I learned so much! One week in particular, God really spoke to me through the reading. We were reading Luke chapter 8, which contains a story that is very familiar to me.

"4</sup> While a large crowd was gathering and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, he told this parable: ⁵ “A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path; it was trampled on, and the birds ate it up. ⁶ Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.”

¹¹ “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. ¹² Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. ¹³ Those on the rocky ground are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. ¹⁴ The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. ¹⁵ But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."

Bible Gateway

 

 

I have heard this story so many times. Usually the emphasis is "we need to be the good soil and yield a crop for Jesus." But as I read through this passage again, a different picture came to my mind.

 

Think of a farmer sowing seeds. He depends on the seeds for his living, so he's not going to just carelessly toss them out anywhere. He wants them to fall on good soil, so before he sows his seeds, he invests time and energy into preparing the soil.  He breaks up the hard ground, removes the rocks, pulls up the weeds, and even adds fertilizer to the soil to feed his crops.

 

Good soil doesn't happen on it's own.

 

It takes effort to prepare it and work to sustain it before it can produce anything.  As Christians, this is our job. We can't just go around halfheartedly sharing our faith and hoping it "sticks" to those we come in contact with. We must be intentional.

 

Sharing our faith must be more than just wearing a t-shirt or posting a scripture on facebook. Not that these things are bad, they are, as people often say, "planting a seed." But if that's all we do, what are the chances of those seeds growing into anything more? How do we keep those seeds from being lost to the birds, rocks, and thorns of life? How do we help them grow?

 

We help them grow through relationship, through connection, and through love. Verse 15 says  "...by persevering produce a crop". I love the definition I found for persevere at dictionary.com "to bolster, sustain, or uphold".  This requires outside assistance. Good soil can't make itself good, nor can seeds that are sown grow and produce a crop on their own. Someone must continue to tend them and help them reach their potential.

 

We need to be there for people when they need us. We need to love those around us and invest our time into their lives to build relationships. We need to know when they're hurting and when they are struggling and love them through it. We need to celebrate with them  and cheer them on. This is how good soil is developed. This is how the seeds grow and produce a crop.

 

Lord, help me to go beyond the surface in sharing my faith. Show me how I can love the people you bring into my life like you love them. I pray that the seeds that are sown will fall on good soil and will produce a crop of souls who will come to know who you are by what they see in me. Thank you for your love for me that teaches me how to love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Cracked Watermelons

 

A few weeks ago, the kids and I ran into the grocery store to pick up a few things. My goal was to go in, get only what I needed, and get out as fast as possible-not an easy task when I have all my "helpers" with me. We were making good time,  with only a minimal amount of "put that back" and "we don't need that today," and were ready to head out the door. All we needed was a loaf of bread and we would be on our way.

To get from the bread aisle to the checkout counter, you have to walk through the produce section. I didn't have any fruits or veggies on my list, so it shouldn't have been a problem. Straight through to the checkout and on to the van.

Except that, directly in our path, sat three large boxes full of watermelons.

Well, what little boy can resist? My son ran right up to the first box and picked out the biggest watermelon he could see. It's almost as big as he is and way too heavy for him. "Please, mom! Can we get a watermelon?"

"Not today. We'll have watermelon for the 4th of July. Put it back." He was disappointed, but didn't argue. He walked back to the box and placed the watermelon back on top of the stack.

That's when it happened...

As he turned to walk away, the watermelon began to roll from the top of the pile. He saw it a moment too late and, before he could catch it, it landed with a loud crack on the floor.

I'm going to be honest and tell you that my first reaction was not what it should have been. Had I been by myself, I would have put that watermelon right back in the box and hit the road. But there were 8 little eyes looking at me waiting to see what I would do. So, I picked it up and put it in the cart. After all, "you break it, you buy it", right? So, off we went to checkout, the kids without a peep because they knew. Mom was NOT happy.

When we got in the van, I started with my mom speech. "How many times have I told you not to pick things up in the store? Didn't I tell you we weren't buying anything that wasn't on the list? If you had just listened to me, we wouldn't have this problem." You know how it goes. In the moment, I decided that the best consequence would be that he didn't get to eat any of the watermelon. That would teach him!

As we drove way, my little boy with his tear-stained face in the seat behind me, the anger started to subside and the reality of what had happened started to set in. Was it really a big deal? Yes we ended up spending an extra $5 we hadn't planned on spending. Yes, it had been embarrassing. Yes, the whole situation could have been avoided if he had listened to me. But was it really, now, that big of a deal? I fought the urge to go back on what I said. He needed to face the consequence of his actions. After all, he had been told a hundred times...

That's when God began to speak to my heart. How many times have I done things I shouldn't do even though He's warned me a hundred times? How many times have I tried to do things on my own and ended up making a mess of it? How many times has God tried to stop me from doing something that will hurt me but I have ignored Him? Ouch!

Then I thought of that tear-stained face. Landon was sorry. Not sorry that he got caught, not sorry that he got in trouble, but genuinely sorry that he had disobeyed and sorry that he had caused a problem. He was sorry that he had upset me.

So many times, that has been me. Running to God with my tear-stained face, sorry for what I have done to disappoint him. Sorry I've made a mess of my life. And his response has always been the same. Not a lecture. Not "how many times have I told you?" Not, "now you get to watch the rest of us eat the watermelon."

His answer is always GRACE. I fail. I mess up.I do things I'm not supposed to do. But He forgives me. He doesn't give me what I deserve, He gives me His love.

Acts 13:38-39 says "³⁸ “Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. ³⁹ Through him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses."

Bible Gateway

 

Isn't that awesome? According to the law, I should be punished. I should have to face to consequences of what I've done. I shouldn't get to "eat the watermelon" and receive the good things God has planned for me. But, through Jesus, I am forgiven! I receive grace and love and freedom from the punishment I deserve.

 

I'm so thankful for God's grace! And I'm thankful for the opportunity He gave me to be an example of His grace to my kids that day. Landon did get to eat some of that watermelon and I got a great reminder of God's love for me.

 

Wordless Wednesday-God's beautiful creation

A fun weekend, part two-tournament

Saturday started out bright and early. We were all up, dressed, packed, and out the door for breakfast by 8. It was so nice to already be in OKC and not have to leave the house at 6:30am! We may have to do that again next year.

Then, we were off to the tournament. We got everyone registered and in their uniforms, then they went off to warm up while we settled into our seats for the day.

Dakota

That's Cheyenne at the top left.



Sierra



Landon
 

 I have lots of video from the tournament, but not many pictures. I was so proud of all four of them! The competition this year was tough. We didn't come home with many medals, but they did their best and hung in there.

Here's Landon waiting for his forms competition to begin. There were so many kids in his group! This was the first time for him to compete as an orange belt. He did a great job!

 

This picture breaks my heart and makes me proud all at the same time. This is the moment when he realized he wasn't going to get a medal. He handled it well for a seven year-old.

 

Sierra also had a really large group. She did a great job! After a tie-breaker, she placed 4th.

 

 

Here is Cheyenne bowing in before her forms competition. She did a great job, too. She also placed 4th in her division.

This is Dakota waiting for her forms competition to begin. She worked really hard and spent lots of time practicing at home. It paid off, because came in 3rd!

 

The kids did really well in sparring. It was the first time for Cheyenne, Sierra, and Landon to spar at a tournament. I think they all learned a lot for next time. Landon was so close to a medal. He made it through 3 matches and lost the fourth by only one point. He ended up 4th place in his division.

Dakota sparred last year in the tournament and placed 2nd. This year, she knew more what to expect and was better prepared. She did awesome and brought home GOLD!

 

 

 

 What a great weekend! Love getting away and having fun together!

 

 

 

A fun weekend, part one-Sam Noble Museum of Natural History

 

We have had a busy couple of weeks in the Harmon household. Mostly doctor appointments, homeschool group activities, 4-H activities, and tae kwon do classes. Lately it seems like we constantly have somewhere to be or something to do. I am ready for summer to come so things will calm down a little. I love all the activities we get to do, but a little break will be welcome, too.

This weekend, we made room for a little fun among our busyness. Dakota's birthday is coming up next week and she had asked to visit the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History to celebrate. The kids had a tae kwon do tournament in OKC on Saturday, so we decided to go up on Friday and make weekend of it. We had a great time!

 

 (get ready for picture overload!)

 

At the entrance to the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History, there was a giant inflatable spider. I made sure to keep my distance!

 

The first area we went into was a special exhibit on insects. There was a scavenger hunt for the kids to do and then turn in for a prize.

We found this sign on binomial nomenclature in the insect room. Dakota just learned about this in Biology, so I made her pose by it. Ha!

 

 After the scavenger hunt, it was time to get on the "dinovator" up to the second floor. This is the view from the top.

 

The kids went back downstairs to check out the mammoth up close and were attacked!

  

 

 

Back upstairs, we went into the Hall of Natural Wonders to see what kinds of animals we could spot. We learned a lot about the animals native to Oklahoma.

 

 

 

Our next stop was the Hall of the People of Oklahoma. We met a very nice gentleman who talked to us about how Native Americans used all the parts of the buffalo.

 

 Next, it was back downstairs to the Hall of Ancient Life. Finally, it was time to see the dinosaurs!

 

 

After the museum, we checked into the hotel and relaxed for a bit while Daniel searched for a new restaurant to try. He has a knack for finding great pizza! He did not let us down. We had dinner at Joey's Pizzeria. It was amazing!

 



 

If you're ever in downtown OKC and have a chance, stop by Joey's! The pizza was delicious and the service was outstanding. And tell Becky we said hello.

 

 

 

Sick

I mentioned before that I have recently joined a ladies' Bible study group. I have to say that I am loving it! It's such a blessing the hear things from other perspectives and to learn from other people's experiences. One week, only myself and one other lady were able to make it, but I still walked away with a lot to think about.
One of the best things that I've gotten out of the study is learning to look deeper into the scriptures and find how each one applies to me. We're going through the book of Luke right now. Each day there is a passage to read with a verse or two as the focus. Today's verse was Luke 5:31-32

 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ³² I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

 

Jesus was talking to the Pharisees, the super religious people of the day.  The Pharisees knew the law and followed it. They wore the right clothes, said the right prayers, hung out with the right people. They were righteous. They weren't looking for a Savior, they were just fine on their own.

 

As I thought about this verse, I was taken back to the day I went to the hospital with blood clots in my lungs. I had been feeling bad for a couple of days. My heart was racing, my head ached, I felt very anxious. And yet, I didn't go to the doctor. I didn't want to admit that there was anything wrong. I thought I could just take something for my headache and rest and then I would be fine. I didn't need any help.

 

It wasn't until I was at the point that I couldn't even cross the living room without stopping to rest that I finally acknowledged I was in trouble. I was sick and I needed a doctor. I had to finally admit that I was sick and that, by myself, I couldn't get better.

 

It's the same way when it comes to my need for Jesus. So many times, I try to get by on my own, thinking that I've got it under control and I don't need any help. All the while, I'm digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. It's not until I am stuck in the bottom of the pit with no other way out that I finally cry out and ask Jesus to help me. And He does! EVERYTIME!

 

But, how much better off would I be to admit my need for His help from the beginning? How much trouble would I save myself by calling out and asking for his help before I start digging to begin with?

 

Jesus came to call the sinners to repentance. But we have to recognize that we are the sinners he came to call. We can't do it on our own, we need Him to save us. And the good news is, He is just waiting for us to ask! 

 

 

 

 

Crepes

A couple of weeks ago, Dakota checked out a cookbook for teens from the library. She's been dying to try a recipe out of it, but we never seemed to have all the ingredients she needed or the time to experiment with something new. Finally, she found a recipe for crepes with strawberries and cream and I agreed we would try it on Saturday for breakfast.Neither of us had ever cooked or even eaten crepes before, but it seemed like an easy enough recipe, kind of like pancakes.

We started with the filling-cream cheese, whipping cream, powdered sugar, and strawberries-yum!

 

Then we whipped up the batter in the blender and started making the crepes.

 

They actually turned out pretty close to the picture in the book!

 

And they got the thumbs up from most of the family.



 

Overall, the crepes were a success. The major drawback is that you have to cook them one at a time in the skillet, which takes forever when you have to feed a family of 6. It took about an hour and 15 minutes to  cook them and everyone else had been finished eating for about 20 minutes by the time I got to the table. I'd much rather make pancakes 4 at a time on the griddle so we can all eat together.

We saved the leftovers in the refrigerator for the kids to eat later this week. We also had a ton of the filling leftover, so we are going to have it on waffles in a day or two.

It was fun to try a new recipe. A friend suggested we try them with Nutella and bananas sometime. That sounds really yummy!

If anyone has any suggestions for how to cook crepes faster, I'd love to hear! Leave me a comment and let me know.

Pretty Packages

 Around our house, it is well known that Daniel is the gift-wrapper. His gifts are always perfect-the paper is exactly the right size, the edges are nice and straight, and the paper is smooth with no wrinkles or little tears. Mine, not so much. So when I can, I always get Daniel to do the gift wrapping for me. But sometimes, like on HIS birthday, I have to do it myself.

 

Sometimes I cut the paper too small and I end up having to make a kind of patchwork wrapping on the back to hide the gap. Sometimes, I cut the paper way too big and the ends are too long. But, what I do really well is I make the FRONT of the gift look good. Kind of like this



 

It may not be perfect, but it's pretty. Since I didn't have the right sized box, I had to put the gifts into a paper grocery bag and then wrap that, which made it a little odd shaped. I cut the paper a little big, so the sides are a little overlapped. But, it's presentable. Something I would gladly display on the gift table at a party, right?

 

Well, I might, as long as I could be sure that the only side that would be seen was the front and as long as I knew no one would look at it too closely. Because if you looked from a different angle

 

and got a little closer

you'd see that it's not quite as pretty as what I let you see from a distance.

 

Isn't that the way a lot of us are with our lives? We spend a lot of time making sure that the image we put out there for other people to see looks good. We are very careful which pictures of us make it to facebook and which ones are quickly deleted from the memory card. All of our posts are inspiring quotes or uplifting scriptures. We put on our smiling, happy faces when we go out and when someone asks us how we are, the answer is always "Couldn't be better."

 

And we keep everyone at arm's length so that's ALL they see.

 

We avoid invitations for dinner at friends' homes because our children may misbehave and we'd have to discipline them, thus shattering out image of being perfect parents with perfect children. We push aside the urge to invite friends over to our home because we don't want them to see that the floor hasn't been mopped or the furniture is a little worn. What would they think? And, for sure, we don't ever share a problem or ask for prayer from our friends. We don't want people to know we have problems and issues in our lives.

 

But, this is not the way God intended for us to live. He wants us to be connected to those around us. He wants us to be real. And the only way we can really be real is to let people in. We have to let them see our "not so pretty" side. We have to share with them when we have a problem so that they can help us.

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 in the NIV says,

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. And, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Bible Gateway.com

 

I hesitate to publish this post because I know these words are mostly speaking to me. This is on my mind for a reason-God is asking me to get out of my comfort zone and get connected with people more. I'm doing my best to do just that. I've recently joined a ladies' Bible study group on Saturday afternoons. We're studying the book of Luke and each week we read a chapter at home and answer some questions, then discuss what we read on Saturday. Of all the questions over the 3 weeks of the study so far, the hardest one was "Tell us about yourself."

 

So, if I can do it, you can too. My challenge to you is to do something this week to connect with someone in a real way. It may be inviting someone over for dinner, even though your house isn't "company ready". Or it may be that when someone asks how you are, you say "You know, I'm having kind of a hard day today and things just aren't going my way. Would you please pray for me?" Whatever it is, step out and do it. Take a chance and let God bless you for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday!

Last week, this awesome guy

                                                                                                                        had a birthday.

 His "real" birthday was on Monday but since he was going to be at work, we started the celebration early. We had dinner at one of our favorite local Mexican restaurants then came home for some cake and ice cream.
Let me tell you just how great he is. I asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday. He said "How about some strawberry?" Strawberry cake happens to be MY favorite. Yes, I got a good one!

This may or may not be his actual age...okay and it may or may not be mine too.



 

Doesn't it look so much cooler in the dark?

 

We had a great time on Saturday, but the fun was not over yet. We had a surprise up our sleeves.

 

 On Monday, the kids and I surprised Daniel with a second birthday cake. They were so excited to show it to him.

 

 3...2...1...Surprise!





The kids loved that we got to "shave" Daniel's beard.

 

Happy Birthday, Daniel! We love you!

 

Thank you to the Clumsy Crafter for the inspiration!

Good intentions

Has God ever asked you to do something and you had every intention of doing it, but just never got around to it? Maybe it was a phone call or a note to a friend that you meant to write "tomorrow" but when tomorrow came, you were just too busy and then you forgot about it. Maybe it was a kind word that you wanted to say to someone at church or at the store but you were afraid it would be too awkward and by the time you worked up the nerve to actually do it, the person was already gone. Maybe it was a project you wanted to do with your kids for a holiday that you just never found the time to do. Or just maybe, it was a blog post that you were supposed to write but didn't...

So many times over the past several months since I last posted to this blog, God has put something in my heart that I knew I needed to write. I would have the whole post going in my head and would be so excited to get the kids to bed so I could get to writing. But then, we'd have a 4-H meeting or Tae Kwon Do or church, then dinner and dishes, then showers, then tucking kids in...and by the time I did all that my brain was mush and I just wanted to check my facebook and go to bed. I didn't have the energy left to put two sentences together, much less a whole post. So I'd promise myself that I'd get up early in the morning and do it.

Then in the morning, I'd convince myself that I could sleep just 15 more minutes and still have time before the kids got up to get it done. Of course, that would be the day the kids would decide they also needed to get up early and the opportunity would be gone. No matter how good my intentions were, I just never seemed to get it done.

But this week, I had an experience that opened my eyes to something I'd been missing.

There had been a day a while back where God prompted me to pray for a friend of mine. I felt it so strongly but I resisted. She hadn't asked me to pray. In fact, it had been quite some time since I'd seen or even talked to her. But, when I was having my quiet time that morning, I began to write in my journal what God had put into my heart to ask for. Once I finished, I put my journal away and didn't really give it another thought...

...until last week when I read a post from my friend that brought tears to my eyes. God had done something amazing in her life and it was exactly the thing that I had prayed about months before. So awesome!

Then, I started to think-what if I hadn't followed the prompting I felt to pray for my friend? What if I had just rested on my good intentions of praying for her "later" without ever actually doing what I knew I needed to do?

 I am completely convinced that God would have still provided the miracle my friend received, for God doesn't need my prayers to "talk him into" anything. He already knew what He was going to do for her. It would have happened with or without my asking. Our prayers aren't for God, they're for us.

God prompted me to pray for my friend as a way of blessing ME. When I read my friend's post telling of what God had done, it was not just a cool story of what God had done for someone else. Instead, it was a personal and very real answer to my prayer. Through my prayer, my heart was opened to know God in an even deeper way. God hears my prayers and answers, they aren't just out there bouncing around in space where they MIGHT somehow get to God. How amazing to think that the creator of the universe is also so near that he hears even ME!

So, I've been thinking...how many blessings have I missed out on because I had "good intentions" but no action to go with them. Have I missed out on making a new friend because I didn't give a word of encouragement to the new mom with the crying baby at the grocery store? Have I missed out on seeing God work in someone's life because I said, "I'll be praying for you about that" and then promptly forgot about it. How many people did I not reach with God's words of encouragement because I didn't take the time to write that blog post I had on my heart?

So, I'm back to Dancing with Cinderella. Will you join me? Let's move beyond just having good intentions! Let's put our intentions into action. I can't wait to see what God has in store!